Jay Leno gave this Dayton comic standup advice and shared about his own experiences

But the advice I received from Leno, once I divulged the information that I am always shy to disclose to comedians I interview, the fact I am a stand-up comedian, completely contradicted what I’ve been told and made to feel over the past 13 years as a female comedian.

Sometimes I do not tell comedians I interview that I am a comedian because I don’t want to take the focus away from the interviewee. This is a typical journalistic trait, but after the 40-minute-long conversation with Leno, I felt like he would want to hear what I had to say.

And I guess I was right, because as soon as he found out I was a comic, he actually began to interview me.

“Do you enjoy it?” he asked.

“Sometimes?” I replied.

“When don’t you? Tell me when you don’t like it,” he said.

“When, I don’t like it? Well, now that you ask that, I guess I don’t NOT like it,” I said.

I laugh now at being stumped by the person I was interviewing, but the information that Leno gave to me after that exchange gave me more purpose and insight into what it is like to be a comedian, especially as a woman or minority.

Credit: AP Photo

Credit: AP Photo

Leno talked highly about Phyllis Diller, one of my idols, and how she made herself unattractive and outrageous in order to be liked on stage. Diller was told that doing so was a necessity by agents and audiences. Leno said he was good friends with Diller and said she was incredibly attractive and an amazing comedy writer.

“I find that women like women who are like them,” he said. “It’s been such a great time for female comedians. I always encourage them … they talk about their lives and what’s different about it.”

Leno went on to discuss the fact that on “The Tonight Show,” they had the first openly gay comedian perform in 1994. His name was Bob Smith. Leno retold one of his jokes, laughed and reminisced about how funny he was and how important it is to have different points of view on stage.

And then he got pretty deep.

“Do you find sexism to be a problem?” he asked.

My reply was, “Sometimes I do,” and his reply was, “Sometimes, they’re just a**holes.”

I tried to give myriad excuses as to why I am not the ultimate comic I know I could be. I started comedy later than most men do, in my early ‘30s. I have three jobs, and I can’t do open mics every night. I have family I take care of. On and on I made excuses.

Leno shot down all of my excuses. He cited that Rodney Dangerfield didn’t even become a stand-up comic until he was 44. He said open mics don’t always help because sometimes it’s hard to educate audiences at bars exactly what you’re trying to do on stage. You just can’t connect with everyone all the time.

Credit: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

Credit: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

He talked about how he only does about 100 dates a year because he wants to be home within 24 to 48 hours to be with his wife, as he is her main caretaker. Leno’s wife, Mavis, has dementia, and so to him, family is one of the most important things in life, and no one should ever feel bad about that. The couple has been married since 1980.

Leno said that all of these things are where the comedy comes from. He said every horrible experience in life or on stage can become things that comedians joke about. Leno basically told me to give myself a break, breathe, and do what I can do on stage. And again, he encouraged diversity in the art.

“The only casualty [in comedy] are middle-aged white guys,” he said. “We had our run. Unless you’re famous, you’re not going to be it. But female, minority, foreign, really, the opportunities are limitless now because that’s what people want. They want those experiences.”

And so, my experiences are what they will get.

Laugh Riot Girl round-up

LAUGH RIOT GIRL

Laugh Riot Girl is a column by comedian and writer Jessica Graue that explores the local comedy scene. Reach her by email at jessica.graue@coxinc.com.

Credit: Chris West

Credit: Chris West